Mostly College Connection

"Are they old? Are they gay? One guy's partially Italian! Picture!" - Sam

"Did that lady just hit her kid?! Oh, that was funny!" - Sam

"Toys for tater tots." - Kimmie
"I'M FUCKING HUNGRY HERE'S A DOLL" - Sam

"Rachel has a spider sense about black people; she can sense them in the dark." - Courtney

"This is the same weapon that Jesus used to kill everyone." - Jill

"Did you say how to pee in a force field?" - Levon

Mostly strawgoH

"TESTA! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! HOW DOES ONE GET ON ONE'S NUT?!" - Courtney

"Black girl hair after it's relaxed looks like raccoon fur." - Rachel

"And this is my mammal fork, and this is my bird fork." - Laura

"It looks like there's more wine racks. But there's nowhere to put it because of that water thing and that fire hydrant." - Shannon

Mostly strawgoH

"Why is the kettle on the toaster?" - Shannon

"You know Caspar is a Christmas movie, because Christmas is when is goes out and dies" - Rachel

"Ugly people put on makeup... I meant blind! I meant blind people!" - Rachel

Mostly strawgoH

"Is someone making something?" - Shannon
"Pizza" - Emily
"Haha, Shannon made pizza once, and then she got her nails done." - Courtney

Mostly strawgoH

"I'm gonna go out and justice for a little bit." - Ian

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"Resevoir dogs. Every guy's favorite..." - Biggs
"Resevoir. I'm partial to Alum creek myself." -Laura
"Laura you cannot just say that and then walk away from me!" - Biggs

Mostly Buck Creek

"They have Direct TV." - Levon
"Direct to what?" - Mel

"So at first I was going to get an X-ray but then I figured I'd just walk it off." - Mel
"That's how we got swag" - Courtney

"With the Pope pooping outside." - Mikey
"The Turkey government has fallen." - Levon

"Tae? Tae...? ... Does Josh know we're not coming back?" - Shannon

"This chicken looks like beef jerky" - Biggs

"Shannon, go home. Go home, Shannon, you're drunk." - Sterbz
"You should just drink it out of the bottle! Drink it out of the bottle and get a curly straw!" - Mel

"Laura, which Hannah was Hannah-Not-Hannah?" - Mikey
"Yeah, that was my Hannah-Not-Hannah." - Laura

"Did you know koalas are high all the time?" - Sterbz
"There, that's what I have!" - Shannon
"Koalas?!" - Sterbz

"Apparently eucalyptus leaves have marijuanas in them." - Sterbz

"The last time I had one, I was eleven." - Kimmie
"Oh! A toothbrush!" - Sam

"Russians flavor their oatmeal with dead fish guts, stir it up with a knife, and then like it off the sharp end of the knife. BECAUSE THEY'RE RUSSIAN." - Testa

"Tae knows. Tae is 100% Russian." - Testa

"Speaking of hippies." - Tae
"What's that?" - Sterbz
"Nothing, I was just speaking of hippies." - Tae

"There's a frog on the bump on the log in the bottom of the sea." - Testa
"Frogs don't live in the sea." - Laura
"Dead frog." - Emily
"Yeah, no one said it was alive. There's a dead frog on the bump on the log in the bottom of the sea." - Testa

"Look at all that soil. That is the best soil in the world." - Laura
"Oh. ... .." - Shannon
... ...
"Also, that wasn't an opinion, it was a fact." - Laura

Mostly strawgoH

"He's a vampire. He's soulless. Like Gingers." - Emily
"What about a ginger vampire? Does that equal a soul?" - Laura
"It's a black hole" - Emily

Mostly strawgoH

"We need a deep freezer and a half a cow. I had that back in the day..." - Rachel

"So anyway, when Laura gets home, she's going to find three dead people and one angry person." - Shannon

"An infestation of feather tailed sugar gliders and dirty dishes in Shannon's bed." - Emily

"I got bit by the wrong end of the scissors." - Emily

Mostly strawgoH

"She followed me one time, before I didn't live there." - Shannon

"I was wondering what you were doing there. I see that you've found an avocado." - Laura

"What are you doing tonight? What were you doing last night? What was I doing last night?" - Laura

"Wait, are we transitioning to prayer?" - Courtney
"Yeah" - Kimmie
"Oh" - Rachel
"Bitches" - Laura
"Snap" - Kimmie
"Bitches" - Laura

"Dirty dishes and naked people. At the same time." - Shannon

Mostly strawgoH

"This is a horrible show." - Emily
"I like it. Raaaaaabies." - Rachel

Mostly Random!

"I am Sterbz, your delightful, helpful, don't-do-that-I-will-fuck-you-over person." - Sterbz

"I like all bastards, but I've never had that one." - Matt Sass

"Everyone's like, 'aww you're so cute, you're so little' and I'm like 'Fuck you, I'm gonna cut your balls off while you sleep.'" - Testa

"Real life. There's sex. It happens." - Emily
"Oh. Okay. I never knew that." - Jessie

"Let's all go to the movies, let's all go to the movies, let's all go to the movies, which nobody can deny." - Nicole

"You can stay..." - Jessie
"Until we all leave." - Testa
"What're y'all doing?" - Carla
"Well I'm going shooting up north." - Courtney

"God, I pray Shannon gets help with her alcohol addiction...." - Courtney
"You can't pray prayers that aren't real!" - Shannon

"I guess I don't need to bring up the time I cursed the bush..." - Cathy

"And Mike said, 'I will be so mad at you if you cut down my bush.'" - Cathy

"Are those apples? Are you throwing apples at mew?" - CIT Rachel

"Stupid Muscles in the stupid body..." - Shannon

Mostly Prayer

"Welcome back to America, we have the freedom to be fat." - White Chocolate

Mostly strawgoH

"I work with a guy named James. In my opinion he looks like Hitler, but apparently he's a hipster." - Rachel

"I don't like conflict but we should have it in moderation- LET'S DRINK SOME WINE!" - Rachel

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"HELL YEAH! I own a COMMUNIST company!" - Testa

"If I get picked to be any nazi, I wouldn't want to be any of them!" - Sterbz

"You trade out all your stuff and then monopolize it back? That's like the yoyo effect of being a dick." - Sterbz

"Bullshit! I was a stalker!" - Sterbz

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"You've broken an axle. Do you want to trade, like, a turkey or something?" - Alex Cherry

Mostly strawgoH

"I'm gonna cry in a cup for you." - Testa

"Yeah! Go out with Legolas! He's an elf!" - Emily
"He's not an elf, he has his ears pierced." - Laura

"Buy... grapes... with... your... hobo... shopping... cart... and... EAT... them..." - Jessie

Mostly strawgoH

"Thumbs threw up on my shoes, not these shoes-" - Laura
"God's grace is sufficient." - Ian

Mostly the Establishment

"How did you not get that?! There's the donkey, there are the barrels, and I don't know where the kong is!" - Rachel
"'There's the donkey'?!" - Taylor

Mostly Cathy's

"Speaking of finding random pictures of naked people..." - Courtney

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"It's like these weird naked aliens and they whistle a lot." - Sterbz

Mostly LTC

"'Harmful behavior like buying sprees' ... what does that mean? Like the candy?" - Ryan

Mostly Work

"My teacher's up in Alaska hunting wolverines, and he needs to get back and grade our quizzes" - Chris

Mostly strawgoH

"They have them at the zoo..." - Laura
"Snake!" - Emily
"No! They have them inside and they look like birds..." - Laura
"Snake!" - Testa

"That's the best thing about cooking - when you remember you have food and it's on fire!" - Laura

Mostly strawgoH

"Jessie take your shirt off. you knooow that you have toooo DRINK tomorrow. You knoooow you have alcohol in the FREEZER. In the back of theee FREEZER" - Testa

"Let  me go ride off into the moon light on my boat!" - Rachel

"FUCK YOU DAWSON" - Rachel

Mostly Project Small

"You don't speak Greek at 7:30, it's just one of those rules." - Sterbz

Mostly strawgoH

"I feel like we're little baby mamas, not lesbians, you know, but mamas who have the same baby." - Kimmie

"And she's like "you never wrote to me" and he's like "I did! I wrote you a letter every day for two years!" and she's like "you wrote to me?!?!" and then they're like fuck fuck fuuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." - Testa

Mostly strawgoH

"Jeff Gordon. He's a Christian you know. I mean, you gotta be to, like, drive around in a circle like that." - Rachel

Mostly Prayer

"For future reference, Emily, gin tastes like pine." - Mel

Mostly strawgoH

"Hey guys, I just need you to know; don't ever put a dirty dish in Shannon's bed. She will cut you." - Testa

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"I go the STD eyes, they be like 'oh that's bad'" - Alex Cherry

"I'm not country, I'm American." - Cathy Kurre

Mostly strawgoH

"Okay this is now I'm going to remember it; my-TOE-sis... So when my TOE falls off-" - Paige

Mostly strawgoH

"Make the floor smell slippery!" - Emily

Mostly strawgoH

"We're going to a mall! In Cleveland! Where we're not going to get raped. It's a FANCY mall." - Testa

"I Cleveland that bitch." - Testa

"I mean I can walk alone in the rain and the rape." - Testa

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"So Emily wouldn't exist for a round and... you would be a trashcan." - Sterbz

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"Okay, we've had our fellowship, we've had our food..." - Mike
"We don't have Cathy!" - Testa

Mostly strawgoH

"This is, like, the greatest luxury ever; I have multiple pairs of pants." - Jessie

"It's what moon shiners do." - Rachel
"Steal horns through swamps?" - Laura

"Bitch I will pour my fish juice on you." - Testa

"I'm not a fun person, I'm a black person." - Rachel

"The potato came from Native America." - Rachel

"Everybody loves cocaine. I love cocaine." - Laura

Mostly strawgoH

"Everybody loves MyFace" - Laura

"I can see something between her legs and I'm fairly certain it isn't a man." - Jessie

Mostly strawgoH

"Did you put coffee in a bowl?" - Emily
"Yeah. and Kahlua. and creamer." - Rachel

"WE should form a Southern Baptist Church" - Emily

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"What if you fell off of this into a pit of bacon?" - Nicole

Mostly strawgoH

"Do you want me to kick you in the balls again, or in the stomach?" - Testa

"I did knock up a squirtle once, and we made... more humans, because I'm the mom." - Testa

"No does mean no in America!" - Rachel
"Not last night!" - Laura

Mostly strawgoH

"I think it's three months." - Rachel
"It's ninety days." - Shannon
"Ninety days?!" - Rachel
"That's three months..." - Shannon
"Oh, yeah!" - Rachel

Mostly strawgoH

"Let's name our next homechurch Ketchum. as in 'gotta ketchum all'. Except for the legendaries. Which is Jesus. You cant catch Jesus." - Rachel

Mostly strawgoH

"I'll see you guys later vagina" - Jessie

"I was just like, that didn't happen! That didn't happen! And the next thing you know, it didn't happen!" - Rachel

Mostly Texting

"I HAD THOUGHT MATTHEW LEFT FOR THE DAY, SO I STOLE HIS CHAIR AND REPLACED IT WITH THE ONE I WA SITTING IN. NOW HE'S BACK, AND I HAVE HIS CHAIR." - Laura

"That is an entirely different kettle of fish!" - Dad
"What on earth are you planning on doing with that kettle, sir?" - me
"A nice fish Stu?" - Dad
"Well thank you very much, but don't call me Stu!" - me
"Why would I call you doctor? I'm the surgeon!" - Dad
"Of course you are, General!" - me
"That has a Colonel of truth." - Dad
"Careful, that's Private information!" - me
"Oh I know, I'm just going to SEAL the deal." - Dad
"I'll Captain the agreement then!" - me
"That could avoid a Major problem." - Dad
"Oh we wouldn't want that! The press would come Surgeon in!" - me

Mostly strawgoH

"I'm experiencing real life puns." - Testa

"Are YOU the keeper of the cats?" - Nicole

"You're the keeper of the cats! Stop keeping them!" - Nicole

"I put on new pants." - Laura
"And then you burned the old ones." - me
"Burned them and poured salt on them so they can never grow again." - Nicole

"Ash Ketchum." - Testa
"Gotta Ketchum all." - me
"Except the legendaries." - Rachel
"Brady, shut aaaall the doors! Except the legendaries!" - Laura

"Hit play, Laura!" - Rachel
"How do you ask?" - Laura
"Are YOU the keeper of the cats?" - me

"Ma'am, I don't know if you noticed, but... half your shirt was kidnapped." - Nicole
"She is NOT the keeper of the shirt." - Laura

Mostly The Establishment

"Seriously, everybody who has a soul patch should just... hang themselves." - Cakes

Mostly strawgoH

"I am the Lord! That is my name! I am the Laura! That is my name!" - Laura

"If Charlie Borwn was pregnant. And got his period. And had a splinter. That would be a Charlie Brown kind of day." - Testa

Mostly strawgoH

"Sanguine is the worst temperament according to Jesus!" - Laura

Mostly strawgoH

"I can kill negative emotions with my teeth." - Jessie

"Nicolas Cage as Nicolas Cage as Sean Connery as Nicolas Cage in Indiana Jones in Sixty Seconds!" - Mikey

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"Wait, Vampire Diaries as in Nicolas Cage?" - Sterbz

Mostly strawgoH

"That's the last book of the New Testament; Calculus." - Laura

"I don't have to pee very often in my life, but when I do..." - Testa

Mostly strawgoH

"A nun with a lollipop! That's what that was!" - Mel

Mostly strawgoH

"SCABIES OF THE MOUTH, GET THE FUCK AWAY" - Mel

"Scabies of the night." - Laura
"Muppet" - Mel
"Muppet of the night" - Laura

"Twinkle toes." - Mel
"Twinkle butt." - Laura

Mostly the Cafe

"It's like how the Yes Dance can kill you but it can also bring you back to life." - Jill

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"It's the Bermuda Triangle." - Levon
"Bermoooda" - me
"It's where all the mutant cows live." - Rachel White
"They have mad cow disease" - me

"I'm gonna take my blackness and turn it... black." - Alex Cherry

Mostly Kimmie's

"My butt would like a dead parrot." - Kimmie

Mostly Project Small

"Yeeaah, Sterbz! You can make out with me! Because it's Valentine's Day!" - Chris

"It's an activity. I like to Israel." - Chris

"By lunch, people have already HAD abortions." - Sterbz

"That dog is possessed with a Google demon." - Chris

"There's stick deodorant in the kitchen." - Chris
"That's mine." - Sterbz
"Why is it in the kitchen?!" - Sam
"In case I get sweaty while I'm making eggs!" - Sterbz

Mostly strawgoH

"And then I decided FUCK PEOPLE, but in a righteous way." - Laura

"The last penguin." - Sam
"Ass penguin" - Laura

Mostly strawgoH

"Is Testaclies in bed?" - Jessie
"Maybe she's with Bresticlies." - Rachel

"Ian's almost got a degree in expressing feelings." - Testa

Mostly strawgoH

"Rachel." - Me
"Hm?" - Rachel
"You're putting floo powder in your shoes." - Me
"I know! It'll take me places!" - Rachel

"Let's punch him! Has he been drinking? Emily, go get him!" - Laura

"But! But. Butts. Butts butts butts, pants. Butts." - Jessie

Mostly Random

"The contract states that however sexy I may be, I need to... wear their clothes." - Sam

"It's the iPod hipster; so unique I'm a triangle. Fuck all these circles and squares." - Mikey

"Heaven will be willed up by His glory, so..." -Testa
"Why not his bitch hand?' - Kimmie

"I suck at relationships. I'm a relational midget." - Kurre

"Anyone who drives faster than me is an asshole. Anyone who drives slower than me is a moron." - Kurre

"If Biggs didn't have an arm, he would be a ginger without an arm... Noo, don't laugh at that, it's sad!" - Kimmie

"God has SO MANY DAMN KIDS" - Kimmie

"Don't spackle your dry erase board, good point Jill." - Courtney

Mostly strawgoH

"Remember the Frissoras; sort of like remember the Alamo" - Sam

"God, I'm not a woman but he's sexy." - Sam

Mostly Sunday Supper

"The kingdom of heaven is like a bagel; sliced like bread..." - Amy
"Circular, with a hole in the middle." - Jill
"Heaven is circular; it has no end." - Dad
"It has that hole in the middle we will never understand." - Stuart

Mostly Prayer Group

"That's my favorite word; please. My second favorite is thank you. My third favorite is kittens." - Laura

"Yeah! You go kick that man's ass!" - Kimmie
"Yeah! I mean, do it righteously, but yeah!" - Cathy

"I love badass chicks!" - Kimmie
"haha. bad asschicks." - Laura

Mostly the Establishment

"If you start this game, I'm going to punch a baby." - Brett

Mostly strawgoH

"Peanut butter doesn't make a noise, and snakes don't make a noise." - Laura

Mostly Majestic Barrage

"It's like an abortion for the ketchup bottle." - Rachel

Mostly strawgoH

"This is the pursuit of happiness, Goddamn it! And I have the right to pursue it in my own shower!" - Rachel

Mostly Clue

"This is a game of deception and dropping your e-cig" - Sam

Mostly strawgoH

"Like hobos around a trashcan." - Testa
"Hobos on a trashcan." - Emily
"Hobos burning inside of a trashcan." - Testa

"He hates me, after this weekend and tonight there is no fucking way he doesn't hate me. Which is sad because I rather like him." - Rachel

"Can I ride with CT to you?" - Rachel

Mostly Buck Creek

"Rachel Callahan! Breaking shit since 1990!" - Laura
"First thing I broke - my mother's water!" - Rachel

"It's a freight train of fluffiness and Mexican!" - Sam

"I think we've done enough fire mistakes in our lifetime to know how to deal with them." - Mikey
"They're only mistakes when you don't walk away from them." - Levon

"If we're smelling shit, I want to get in on it!" - Sterbz
"No!" - Testa
"Yeah, you smell that shit!" - Rachel

"Look at where he slept!" - Levon
"The floor?" - Sterbz
"No, a chair plus a table! A chable!" - Levon

"It's just an Asian raccoon. They do what they want." - Testa
"Japanacoon." - Sterbz

"Levon look; premature grape! It's so small!" - Biggs
"Congratulations, you aborted a fruit." - Sterbz

"They need to make a ghetto version of Monopoly." - Ottavi
"What, with fried chicken?" - Levon

"You don't talk about things that you eat and things that you bleed at the same time." - Robyn

"I'll still go to Fuck You town." - Sam

"You kinda look like Santa Claus right now. But not the good Santa, like the rape Santa." - Sterbz

Mostly Project Small

"I am the elephant in the room. Just 'cause it's a room full of non-elephants." - Sam

"There should be a Words With Enemies where you play with people you don't like." - Sam

Mostly strawgoH

"We don't have floo powder." - Emily
"I don't know why, but my first thought was that we can get some by finding some roadkill and cremating it." - Laura

"It's still awesome, but it's not your mom" - Jessie

Mostly strawgoH

"You know that sound? That ke-ke-ke sound? That's the sound my ferrets would make when they stole my socks!" - Rachel

Mostly strawgoH

"Every time a baby cries, an angel gets its wings." - Rachel

"I claim the thirtieth amendment! I reserve my right!" - Laura

"What are mutants, but gifts from God?" - Rachel
"I wasn't being for serial." - Rachel
"I wasn't being a breakfast product." - Laura

"I go around the library and I look for five Chinese people and I sit by them. Emily Collins." - Laura

"Are you good to drive? Rachel Callahan." - Laura
"I'm not in- inde- inebriated." - Rachel
"Convincing argument." - Laura

Mostly New Years

"I'm Mr. Awfulpork." - Brett
"What?" - Cakes
"Miserablebacon." - Brett

Mostly Strawgoh

"I'll be both Cam and Michell. You can just be dating us." - Laura

"You can be Lily because she's Asian." - Laura

"People in movies who die should just stay dead. Except pregnant women." - Laura

"That's called ticker tape. I learned that because of 'doowop' ... or 'dezabble'" - Rachel
"...What?" - Jessie
"Bezzerwizzer." - Emily